Lelaki dan perempuan selalunya ada sahaja perkara yang bercanggah. Dari segi perbuatan mahupun pemikiran. Menurut John Gray dalam bukunya yang berjudul ‘Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus’ lelaki dan wanita itu berbeza kerana masing-masing berasal dari ‘tempat’ yang berbeza. Wanita (venusians) dan lelaki (martians) saling tidak memahami antara satu sama lain kerana mereka bukan datang dari tempat yang sama.
Buku ‘Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus’ sangat bagus untuk individu yang ingin memahami perbezaan perwatakan antara lelaki dan wanita. Dan ianya sangat-sangat disarankan kepada pasangan-pasangan yang sering ‘bertekak’. Sayang itu memang ada,tapi selalu sangat nak bergaduh sebab perkara kecik je. So,buku ini boleh solve the problem. Memanglah tak diajar cara nak solve that prob tapi method yang diberitahu tu adalah the way kita act to solve problem.
Saya actually dah lama sangat beli buku ni,tapi lambat bebenor nak habisnya. Since sekarang tengah rilex2..terpikir nak share kat sini.
Permulaan buku ni pun dah menyentuh perasaan dan dah membuatkan saya tertanya-tanya. As perempuan,saya tau ape yang wanita tu perlukan. Walaupun husband dia (writer sendiri) tak tahu apa yang perlu dia buat. Meh nak extract sikit kat sini cerita pasal writer ni sendiri.
Bonnie,writer’s wife baru lepas bersalin dan keadaan beliau sangat teruk dan bergantung pada painkillers. Sukar untuk bergerak,apetah lagi berjalan. lepas 5hari cuti,writer back to work. (ok now saya letak ayat dr buku la..kalo saya translate,tak feeling la pulak ^_-)
‘while I was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office,she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brother however, did not return with the pills. Consequently,she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.
When I returned home she was very upset. I misinterpreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.
She said, “I’ve been in pain all day..I ran out of pills. I’ve been stranded in bed and nobody cares!”
I said defensively, “why didn’t you call me?”
She said, “I asked your brother, but he forgot! I’ve been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do?I can barely walk.I feel so deserted!”
At this point I exploded. My fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she hadn’t called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when I didn’t even know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired,irritable, and had heard enough. We had both reached our limits.
Then something started to happen that would change my life.
Bonnie said, “ Stop,please don’t leave. This is when I need you the most. I’m in pain. I haven’t slept in days. Please listen to me.”
I stoped for a moment to listen.
She said, “John Gray, You’re a fair-weather friend!As long as I’m sweet,loving Bonnie you are here for me,but as soon as I’m not,you walk right out that door.”
Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, “Right now I’m in pain. I have nothing to give,this is when I need you the most. Please,come over here and hold me. You don’t have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don’t go.”
I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes,she thanked me for not living. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.
At that moment,baru lah writer ni realize the real meaning of love- unconditional love. Her wife just need he to go over and hold her. Rasanya,kalau perempuan lain mesti boleh rasa and faham ape yang sangat-sangat diperlukan waktu tu. But lelaki??
itu lah perbezaannya. Ini contoh lelaki tak memahami wanita. Contoh wanita tak memahami lelaki saya bagi next time.
Pointnya disini..perempuan ni,dia tak perlukan banyak pun. dengan hanya menjadi pendengar instead of pemberi solution,or dengan hanya touching and holding sudah memberi impak (penenang) kepadanya.
Ini satu lagi contoh dari buku ni jugak. Actually,ini nak compare reaction yang diberikan oleh lelaki terhadap perempuan. Bila aku baca ni,memang BETUL sangat-sangat.
‘Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.
She says, “there is so much to do; I don’t have any time for myself.”
Tom says, “you should quit that job.You don’t have to work so hard.Find something you like to do.”
Mary says, “But I like my job. They just expect me to change everything at a moment’s notice.”
Tom says, “Don’t listen to them.Just do what you can do.”
Mary says, “I am! Icant believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today.”
Tom says, “Don’t worry about it,she’ll understand.”
Marry says, “Do you know what she is going through?She needs me.”
Tom says, “You worry to much,that’s why you’re so unhappy.”
Mary angrily says, “I am not always unhappy. Cant you just listen to me?”
Tom says, “I am listening.”
Mary says, “why do I even bother?”
After this conversation,Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship.Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong.He wanted to help,but his problem-solving tactics didn’t work.
~~Contoh positif pulak~~
‘When mary now comes home tired and exhausted their conversations are quite different. They sound like this:
Mary says,“there is so much to do; I don’t have any time for myself.”
Tom takes a deep breath,relaxes on the exhale,and says, “Humph,sounds like you had a hard day.”
Mary says, “They just expect me to change everything at a moment’s notice. I don’t know what to do.”
Tom pauses and then says, “Hmmm”
Mary says, “I even forgot to call my aunt.”
Tom says with a slighttly wrinkled brow, “oh,no.”
Mary says, “She needs me so much right now.I feel so bad.”
Tom says, “You are such a loving person.Come here,let me give you a hug.”
Tom gives Mary a hug and she relaxes in his arms with a big sigh of relief.She then says, “I love talking with you.You make me really happy.Thanks for listening.I feel much better.”
So,conclusion nya sekarang ni. Wanita lebih memerlukan lelaki yang sudi menjadi pendengar berbanding menjadi penyelesai masalahnya. If diA mintak solution,then baru bagi solutionnya.If not,please…jadilah pendengar yang bagus! =)
Sesiapa yang rajin dan nampak ke-positif-an dalam buku ni,boleh la beli.Tak mahal pun.Time saya beli ni Rm36.90 kat MPH. For me,ape effek nye eh?hahaha..donno,im just love to read it. Tak sempat nak aplikasi lagi..HAHAHA LOL Okeh.Selamat membaca dan meng-aplikasi =)